don't know what's wrong with me.
indifferent, but pretending to be enthusiastic.
disinterested, but pretending to be excited.
don't feel like talkin', but pretending to be bubbly and talkative.
melancholic, but pretending to be sanguine.
hurting, but pretending to be perfectly fine.
empty, but the busyness in everyday life can't fill me.
lonely, but pretending i'm not.
downcast, but don't wanna look weak.
feel like dancing, but can't bring myself to do it.
don't know what i'm searching for, don't know what i'm longing for.
don't know what i'm waiting for, don't know where i'm going.
don't know what i wanna do, don't know what makes me happy.
i'm lost without You, broken without You.
help me find my way back in the dark night, help me find my place in this world.
help me see who i really am.
Friday, September 4
Wednesday, September 2
Wednesday, August 5
busy life
been busy day and night, everyday, for the past 4-5 weeks. felt like i was constantly hurrying, every minute of the day.
had 12-hour days at work, starting from 7am to about 7pm. on top of that i seemed to have something on pretty much every week night and weekend. the busyness just got a little out of control.
this week is still pretty much the same, except workload has toned down a little bit, but nighttime activity hasn't.
really hope i can come home early tomorrow evening and learn the zumba dance.
had 12-hour days at work, starting from 7am to about 7pm. on top of that i seemed to have something on pretty much every week night and weekend. the busyness just got a little out of control.
this week is still pretty much the same, except workload has toned down a little bit, but nighttime activity hasn't.
really hope i can come home early tomorrow evening and learn the zumba dance.
Sunday, August 2
wow, didn't realise it's been quite a while since i last logged on to blogspot and read/write blogs...
didn't really think i would write anything tonight. but after reading Charis' blog tonight, only one thing fell into my mind: it is more blessed to give than to receive.
she wrote about the blessings she's received through the people around her and how thankful she is to God for them.
all of a sudden i felt really ashamed of myself. so often, and especially lately, i've been grumbling a lot about not being as blessed as others. i often compare myself to many others and wonder why i'm not as blessed as they are. i wonder why God is not blessing me with all the good things that other people have. i have silently questioned God in this regard although not verbally voicing it. i have kept a disgruntled spirit within me and become generally unhappy with my life. i sometimes struggle with jealousy and envy towards others. this is one of the areas i struggle the MOST in. i try very hard not to be, but sometimes i just couldn't help being a little jealous or envious of others for what they have or when i hear good news about them or when i see how much God is blessing them in their lives. i know this is extremely dangerous. if i don't get out of this, sooner or later i will be consumed by this sin. which is why i really struggle a lot with it. i think all this stems from my inner beliefs that God is blessing everybody around me more than He blesses me. that's me and my self-centred, self-focused narrow mindset.
tonight, after reading what Charis wrote about God's blessing in her life, it got me sitting back and thinking, how could i be so selfish, always thinking about me, me, me?! all i'm ever thinking about is: why isn't God blessing me as much as He blesses others? why do others get this or that and i don't? what good is there in my life huh huh huh?
i'm probably the stupidest, most unappreciative person in the world. all along, God has put so many good things in my life which i haven't always thanked Him for.
tonight only one thing i'm reminded of: IT IS MORE BLESSED TO GIVE THAN TO RECEIVE.
of course! why hadn't i thought of that?? in retrospect, i have had many opportunities to bless others, and every such opportunity in itself is a blessing from God, because it is more blessed to give! God has often blessed me with the ability to give! and i had been so blind to not recognise that! there were even times when i let such opportunities pass me by simply because of my own selfishness! what a stupid person i had been all along!
God, i am so sorry for every complaint i made against You. I am so sorry for ever questioning Your love, Your blessings for me, and Your plans for my life. I am sorry for being so blind to all those opportunities You had placed in my life again and again, some of which I had willingly passed up based on selfish decisions. I'm sorry for always just seeking Your hands and not really seeking Your face. You have not given up on me nor stopped pouring your favour and blessings into my life even when i don't deserve them. I'm sorry, Lord. and I thank You, for every single thing, even single experience, and every single person You have put in my life to remind me to live this life for YOU and for others, not for myself!
didn't really think i would write anything tonight. but after reading Charis' blog tonight, only one thing fell into my mind: it is more blessed to give than to receive.
she wrote about the blessings she's received through the people around her and how thankful she is to God for them.
all of a sudden i felt really ashamed of myself. so often, and especially lately, i've been grumbling a lot about not being as blessed as others. i often compare myself to many others and wonder why i'm not as blessed as they are. i wonder why God is not blessing me with all the good things that other people have. i have silently questioned God in this regard although not verbally voicing it. i have kept a disgruntled spirit within me and become generally unhappy with my life. i sometimes struggle with jealousy and envy towards others. this is one of the areas i struggle the MOST in. i try very hard not to be, but sometimes i just couldn't help being a little jealous or envious of others for what they have or when i hear good news about them or when i see how much God is blessing them in their lives. i know this is extremely dangerous. if i don't get out of this, sooner or later i will be consumed by this sin. which is why i really struggle a lot with it. i think all this stems from my inner beliefs that God is blessing everybody around me more than He blesses me. that's me and my self-centred, self-focused narrow mindset.
tonight, after reading what Charis wrote about God's blessing in her life, it got me sitting back and thinking, how could i be so selfish, always thinking about me, me, me?! all i'm ever thinking about is: why isn't God blessing me as much as He blesses others? why do others get this or that and i don't? what good is there in my life huh huh huh?
i'm probably the stupidest, most unappreciative person in the world. all along, God has put so many good things in my life which i haven't always thanked Him for.
tonight only one thing i'm reminded of: IT IS MORE BLESSED TO GIVE THAN TO RECEIVE.
of course! why hadn't i thought of that?? in retrospect, i have had many opportunities to bless others, and every such opportunity in itself is a blessing from God, because it is more blessed to give! God has often blessed me with the ability to give! and i had been so blind to not recognise that! there were even times when i let such opportunities pass me by simply because of my own selfishness! what a stupid person i had been all along!
God, i am so sorry for every complaint i made against You. I am so sorry for ever questioning Your love, Your blessings for me, and Your plans for my life. I am sorry for being so blind to all those opportunities You had placed in my life again and again, some of which I had willingly passed up based on selfish decisions. I'm sorry for always just seeking Your hands and not really seeking Your face. You have not given up on me nor stopped pouring your favour and blessings into my life even when i don't deserve them. I'm sorry, Lord. and I thank You, for every single thing, even single experience, and every single person You have put in my life to remind me to live this life for YOU and for others, not for myself!
Sunday, June 28
there are so many things i wanna do, so many things i need to do, but so little time, and so little motivation...
there are more than a dozen books including the Bible that i wanna read everyday, but i'm often too restless and distracted to focus on reading just ONE book at a time. argh.
do one thing at a time, yee. one step at a time. trying to do many things at a time will get nothing done in the end.
wish i had all the time in the world, really.
...listening to some old favourite P&W songs right now and though it's getting really late now am kinda reluctant to switch it off and go to bed....sigh.. :)
but no, really gotta get to sleep cos i need to wake up at 6.30am to feed the cat! keheehee
there are more than a dozen books including the Bible that i wanna read everyday, but i'm often too restless and distracted to focus on reading just ONE book at a time. argh.
do one thing at a time, yee. one step at a time. trying to do many things at a time will get nothing done in the end.
wish i had all the time in the world, really.
...listening to some old favourite P&W songs right now and though it's getting really late now am kinda reluctant to switch it off and go to bed....sigh.. :)
but no, really gotta get to sleep cos i need to wake up at 6.30am to feed the cat! keheehee
Friday, June 26
i'm often/sometimes guilty of
1. being rude/unfriendly to people i don't like
2. displaying bad attitudes/moods
3. gossiping about others
4. getting frustrated when asked questions i don't like answering
5. being officious/pushing my unsolicited opinions
2. displaying bad attitudes/moods
3. gossiping about others
4. getting frustrated when asked questions i don't like answering
5. being officious/pushing my unsolicited opinions
every time i envied or wished i was like someone else, i was saying to God i didn't like His creation of me, and the things He had already placed in my life were not good enough. I now recognise this as a sin in my life.
i'm now beginning to think that maybe learning to like, accept and love myself is the first step to breaking free from many other longstanding issues in my life...
i'm now beginning to think that maybe learning to like, accept and love myself is the first step to breaking free from many other longstanding issues in my life...
Thursday, June 18
Monday, June 15
Sick of where I am. Tired of being nowhere.
Just wanna move on to a different place.
Want a new beginning.
Hope next year will be it.
I want to leave this place and go to a faraway land.
Where no one knows me, and I don’t know them.
Live life like I’ve never before.
Abandon everything that has happened here, everyone I had known here.
Start anew.
Be myself.
Where I don’t have to pretend anymore.
Where I don’t have regrets anymore.
Time will heal.
See the world.
This is not all there is.
I will leave this place one day. For good. For a good while.
When all this has passed, come back anew.
Open my eyes.
Look at all the different ones around me.
See all those opportunities right in front of me.
Step out.
Stop dwelling in the past, my regrets.
PERSEVERE.
别放弃做梦的勇气。
I will not let go this time.
Just wanna move on to a different place.
Want a new beginning.
Hope next year will be it.
I want to leave this place and go to a faraway land.
Where no one knows me, and I don’t know them.
Live life like I’ve never before.
Abandon everything that has happened here, everyone I had known here.
Start anew.
Be myself.
Where I don’t have to pretend anymore.
Where I don’t have regrets anymore.
Time will heal.
See the world.
This is not all there is.
I will leave this place one day. For good. For a good while.
When all this has passed, come back anew.
Open my eyes.
Look at all the different ones around me.
See all those opportunities right in front of me.
Step out.
Stop dwelling in the past, my regrets.
PERSEVERE.
别放弃做梦的勇气。
I will not let go this time.
Friday, June 12
1. EVERY DOLLAR MATTERS.
2. no need to say much till it comes to pass!
3. Yee, don't let others' problems get to you! don't let them affect what you think and say. keep your own cool and remember to live to become more like Jesus, NOT like the world.
4. oooohhh i like transformers original score so much!
5. when life wears you down, don't forget who you are, why you're different from the rest - that's when you need to remember to stand firm upon God's values and not your own.
2. no need to say much till it comes to pass!
3. Yee, don't let others' problems get to you! don't let them affect what you think and say. keep your own cool and remember to live to become more like Jesus, NOT like the world.
4. oooohhh i like transformers original score so much!
5. when life wears you down, don't forget who you are, why you're different from the rest - that's when you need to remember to stand firm upon God's values and not your own.
Wednesday, June 10
YES!!
Yeehooooo!!! got the Transformers soundtrack - The Score by composer Steve Jablonsky!
this is one of the best movie soundtracks ever!
i remember since young (since i was about 13 years old) i've always been very interested in soundtracks - movie / tv soundtracks. not so much the theme songs..... but particularly original scores.... the background music........if you know what i mean.
the few movie soundtracks i've really liked over the years and have also played on the piano/keyboard:
1. Speed - music by Mark Mancina
2. The Rock - music by Nick Glennie-Smith, Hans Zimmer, Harry Gregson-Williams
3. Broken Arrow - music by Hans Zimmer
4. Van Helsing - music by Alan Silvestri
5. Transformers - music by Steve Jablonsky
OH SO COOL~~~~ TRANSFORMERS movie + soundtrack is currently my number 1 favourite!!
sigh. i remember when i'd just finished SPM, my first and foremost ambition at the time was to study music and become a music composer......composing scores for movie/tv soundtracks kinda thing.
ahh...my first dream.....
sad to think that i ended up being an accountant, which is SO.NOT.ME. SO.NOT.WHAT.I.WANNA.DO.
anywayz. i guess no point looking back now. but MAN............Transformers soundtrack - the score - is sooooooooo good!
this is one of the best movie soundtracks ever!
i remember since young (since i was about 13 years old) i've always been very interested in soundtracks - movie / tv soundtracks. not so much the theme songs..... but particularly original scores.... the background music........if you know what i mean.
the few movie soundtracks i've really liked over the years and have also played on the piano/keyboard:
1. Speed - music by Mark Mancina
2. The Rock - music by Nick Glennie-Smith, Hans Zimmer, Harry Gregson-Williams
3. Broken Arrow - music by Hans Zimmer
4. Van Helsing - music by Alan Silvestri
5. Transformers - music by Steve Jablonsky
OH SO COOL~~~~ TRANSFORMERS movie + soundtrack is currently my number 1 favourite!!
sigh. i remember when i'd just finished SPM, my first and foremost ambition at the time was to study music and become a music composer......composing scores for movie/tv soundtracks kinda thing.
ahh...my first dream.....
sad to think that i ended up being an accountant, which is SO.NOT.ME. SO.NOT.WHAT.I.WANNA.DO.
anywayz. i guess no point looking back now. but MAN............Transformers soundtrack - the score - is sooooooooo good!
1. sole on my $25 flats from novo broke today...after just 5 months. can't really complain, can i..?
2. trying to lose flab and look fab. but sigh it's so hard in winter. but glad that i got up and danced a bit tonight. haha
3. so much to do, so little time. so much to read, so little discipline.
4. never give up my courage to dream. i can make it!!
2. trying to lose flab and look fab. but sigh it's so hard in winter. but glad that i got up and danced a bit tonight. haha
3. so much to do, so little time. so much to read, so little discipline.
4. never give up my courage to dream. i can make it!!
my birthday wishlist (serious)
Transformers 1+2 dvd boxset
Transformers quilt cover
Transformers pillow cases
Transformers pyjamas
Transformers quilt cover
Transformers pillow cases
Transformers pyjamas
Monday, June 8
fun day out
had a really fun day out today!! wasn't planned at all. well, in fact i had planned to stay home all of today and read books!! but out of spontaneity i suggested we go to Max Brenner on GC this morning, and because we reached GC around lunchtime and the boys said they were hungry, so i pointed them to Peter's fish market next to versace hotel. it was crowded as usual. many people usually overlook this little shop right next to the grand versace hotel because honestly, it is somewhat unnoticeable, that's if you're not looking carefully...it's easy to miss. but looked like A LOT of people sure know about this great fish-and-chip shop!
anyway the line was so long that when i got back to the queue after i'd gone off to put some stuff back in the car and gone to the toilet etc, it was just about the boys' turn to order. we then had to wait another half hour or so - from number 551 to 581 - to get our food............yummy and fresh fish and chips with seafood stick and prawn cutlets...the seafood's really fresh cos the fishing dock is right behind/next to the shop!
after that we moved on to Max Brenner at marina mirage...........this time i had a hot mint chocolate while D had a dark choc mocha and A had a hot dark orange chocolate. D and i had tutti-frutti waffle with chocolate sauce, strawberries, bananas and ice cream on top!!! YUMMMMMMMMMMM.....i didn't think i would be able to have that again after i had it for the first time in november 2007 when a bunch of us took a road trip down to sydney and L took me and D to Max Brenner at paddington in sydney....
after mb it was pacific fair..........so totally didn't plan on buying anything but i ended up spending $60 on 5 pieces of clothing. DOGGONE IT.
self control, mich!! where's your self control huh HUH HUH???
sigh. only regret of the day is that i couldn't button up in a pair of work pants which i really liked but one size too small. or maybe it's me that's one size TOO BIG now!!!!!! grrrrrrrrr
got back to brissie around dinner time...D made dinner for me at A's place...we had dinner together and watched Push. movie's okay....just okay though. wouldn't watch it a second time if i had the choice..................
all in all it was just a fun day, the kind that i haven't had for a long, long time..................
thank you God for that! hehehe :D
now, God....need to discuss with you on the other issue.....
anyway the line was so long that when i got back to the queue after i'd gone off to put some stuff back in the car and gone to the toilet etc, it was just about the boys' turn to order. we then had to wait another half hour or so - from number 551 to 581 - to get our food............yummy and fresh fish and chips with seafood stick and prawn cutlets...the seafood's really fresh cos the fishing dock is right behind/next to the shop!
after that we moved on to Max Brenner at marina mirage...........this time i had a hot mint chocolate while D had a dark choc mocha and A had a hot dark orange chocolate. D and i had tutti-frutti waffle with chocolate sauce, strawberries, bananas and ice cream on top!!! YUMMMMMMMMMMM.....i didn't think i would be able to have that again after i had it for the first time in november 2007 when a bunch of us took a road trip down to sydney and L took me and D to Max Brenner at paddington in sydney....
after mb it was pacific fair..........so totally didn't plan on buying anything but i ended up spending $60 on 5 pieces of clothing. DOGGONE IT.
self control, mich!! where's your self control huh HUH HUH???
sigh. only regret of the day is that i couldn't button up in a pair of work pants which i really liked but one size too small. or maybe it's me that's one size TOO BIG now!!!!!! grrrrrrrrr
got back to brissie around dinner time...D made dinner for me at A's place...we had dinner together and watched Push. movie's okay....just okay though. wouldn't watch it a second time if i had the choice..................
all in all it was just a fun day, the kind that i haven't had for a long, long time..................
thank you God for that! hehehe :D
now, God....need to discuss with you on the other issue.....
Sunday, June 7
Terminator Salvation
Sam Worthington is pretty cool!!
i'm gonna check him out!!!
great movie!
can't wait for Transformers 2...............................................
i'm gonna check him out!!!
great movie!
can't wait for Transformers 2...............................................
Friday, June 5
Thursday, June 4
Girls' night at Byblos
had the time of my life tonight catching up with D, L and S!!!
i really thank God for this opportunity to sit down with these beautiful ladies, wonderful friends, at a nice posh place at portside wharf, enjoying the food platter while babbling away.....
haven't had such a relaxing and enjoyable all-girl hang-out for a long time......
really makes me miss the old days.....but nevermind!! there'll be more opportunities to come for us to get together and do crazy, fun and girly stuff again!!
- slumber party @ D's new house *grin*
- pool party @ D's new house *wide grin* (in summer~~ woot~!!)
for some reason, with these sweet souls, i don't feel any pressure of having to be someone i am not. i don't feel any need to dress up extra nicely, wear heaps of makeup, wear the right shoes, talk the right talk, say and do the right thing or anything. i can TOTALLY be just myself and still know that they accept me just the way i am. i don't know how but that's just the way it is! being with them brings out the funky, groovy "black girl trapped in yellow skin" in me again..........makes me just wanna get up and dance, especially with dear L! i sure miss that energetic, always lively/bubbly and joyful me!! and man, how i miss fooling around with L in all different kinds of accents and then having a good laugh at ourselves!
this wonderful bunch of people work wonders to bring out the best in anyone! thank you Lord for putting them in the path of my life...i feel so blessed to know them and have them as my friends!
i really thank God for this opportunity to sit down with these beautiful ladies, wonderful friends, at a nice posh place at portside wharf, enjoying the food platter while babbling away.....
haven't had such a relaxing and enjoyable all-girl hang-out for a long time......
really makes me miss the old days.....but nevermind!! there'll be more opportunities to come for us to get together and do crazy, fun and girly stuff again!!
- slumber party @ D's new house *grin*
- pool party @ D's new house *wide grin* (in summer~~ woot~!!)
for some reason, with these sweet souls, i don't feel any pressure of having to be someone i am not. i don't feel any need to dress up extra nicely, wear heaps of makeup, wear the right shoes, talk the right talk, say and do the right thing or anything. i can TOTALLY be just myself and still know that they accept me just the way i am. i don't know how but that's just the way it is! being with them brings out the funky, groovy "black girl trapped in yellow skin" in me again..........makes me just wanna get up and dance, especially with dear L! i sure miss that energetic, always lively/bubbly and joyful me!! and man, how i miss fooling around with L in all different kinds of accents and then having a good laugh at ourselves!
this wonderful bunch of people work wonders to bring out the best in anyone! thank you Lord for putting them in the path of my life...i feel so blessed to know them and have them as my friends!
Monday, June 1
1st Day of Winter - Chapter 1: Face to Face with Me
Dear Me,
I see you have many thoughts. Endless trails of thoughts about your daily life, the meaning of your life in this whole wide world, your future, your relationships, your daily struggles with your own character, attitudes, mindsets, fears, etc. The list goes on.
You envy others for what they have which you think you do not have, that you want to have. You long for true godly and lasting friendships and relationships. You want to break out of your current financial circumstance. You don't want to live on the edge of life. You desire for a godly and romantic boyfriend who would become your husband one day. You dream of a beautiful, memorable wedding like every girl does. You long to have the happiest smile on your face like you've seen on the faces of other women. You want to live out your dreams, your passions. You want to become all that you have always dreamed of becoming - a true artist at heart. Everyday you feel like you just don't have any of that, and you just don't have enough. You feel stuck where you are - in life, in relationships, in career.
Everyday you struggle with your identity. You don't really know who you are anymore. You miss the beautiful woman you were three years ago. You truly felt beautiful of yourself from the inside out. You truly felt the undescribable warmth of the love of God wrapping around your whole being. You saw the vision of yourself in a cocoon turning into a beautiful butterfly with glorious wings.
Three years down the track, you've lost that vision of yourself. You don't really know what you're living for, what you're doing everyday anymore. You're not sure who you've become. You don't like yourself anymore. You don't like envying other women all the time yet you can't seem to help it. You are constantly angry with yourself and your loved ones because you are just not satisfied with who you are, where you are anymore. You've lost sight of your place and identity in Christ. You feel so lost and alone. No one knows what is really in the very depths of your heart.
You have so many regrets in your heart. Many a time you still can't get over some of your failed relationship/friendships. You berate yourself everyday for losing some of the friendships you most treasured. You still terribly miss those brief times with your few precious friends, who have come and gone. You miss being just yourself, completely accepted just the way you were. But now, you are back to the place where you feel all alone once again.
Dear Me, surrender all your regrets and sadness and loneliness to Him who is able to heal and restore to you the joy in your life. Yes you may have fallen and fallen hard, but He is able to carry you in His palm and carry you on. Just as the happy moments have come and gone, let your regrets come and go. Don't dwell in your regrets any longer. Move on by the grace and love of God.
You may have stumbled much along the path of life, but do not be discouraged to keep moving on. But most importantly, you must remember: run your own race.
God has not made you to run someone else's race. It's time to stop looking at others and what they have which you do not have and wishing you had what they have. Take a look at your very own being that God has created in you. Take a look at all that God has planted in you! Learn to love and like yourself once more. You can't love if you don't love yourself.
You may have failed too many times, yet God still loves you and has a plan for your future. Stand up and take hold of it now. The only way to move on is by the cross. Always remember that when everything in this life fades away - all your failures and victories - it is the love of Jesus that will still stand true for you. Don't ever let that go. Don't let that off your heart and mind.
Today, I am coming face to face with you. Don't hide your emotions and feelings any longer. Don't sweep it all under the carpet anymore. You know you can't go on everyday like this anymore. It's eating away inside you day after day. Unlock that heart of yours now, and let the consuming fire come and cleanse and refine your heart, your mind, your soul and your spirit once again! Let Him rekindle the flame in your heart once again!
Rise up, dear Me! Learn from your many mistakes, but do not let them hold you down. Renew your mind with the Word of God, no matter how hard it always feels. Surrender your heart, your mind, and your soul to Jesus once again - wholly. Commit all your dreams and hopes and plans to your Father in Heaven. He sees and knows the desires of your heart.
Everything you're looking for, everything you could ever want, can be found in your first love, Jesus. Return now to that place where your journey once began. You realise you have been staying in that same cocoon for the past three years, but it is not too late to let God breathe life into you and continue to work in you so that you may emerge as a beautiful, glorious butterfly uniquely handcrafted by God.
Dear Me, don't forget what you've come face to face with tonight. It may take some time, but please continue to unlock all the different rooms in your heart and surrender the keys to Jesus. Let Him, invite Him, to come and fill the emptiness in your heart.
Dear Me, you must, by the grace of God, overcome all negativity, sadness, loneliness, emptiness, anger and envy. Do not give the devil any foothold any longer.
Lord, tonight I lay down all my regrets, all my hopes and dreams, my plans for the next 18 months, all my honest feelings and emotions - at Your feet right now. Lord, take this heart of mine, break it, and shape it in Your likeness once again, I pray.
I see you have many thoughts. Endless trails of thoughts about your daily life, the meaning of your life in this whole wide world, your future, your relationships, your daily struggles with your own character, attitudes, mindsets, fears, etc. The list goes on.
You envy others for what they have which you think you do not have, that you want to have. You long for true godly and lasting friendships and relationships. You want to break out of your current financial circumstance. You don't want to live on the edge of life. You desire for a godly and romantic boyfriend who would become your husband one day. You dream of a beautiful, memorable wedding like every girl does. You long to have the happiest smile on your face like you've seen on the faces of other women. You want to live out your dreams, your passions. You want to become all that you have always dreamed of becoming - a true artist at heart. Everyday you feel like you just don't have any of that, and you just don't have enough. You feel stuck where you are - in life, in relationships, in career.
Everyday you struggle with your identity. You don't really know who you are anymore. You miss the beautiful woman you were three years ago. You truly felt beautiful of yourself from the inside out. You truly felt the undescribable warmth of the love of God wrapping around your whole being. You saw the vision of yourself in a cocoon turning into a beautiful butterfly with glorious wings.
Three years down the track, you've lost that vision of yourself. You don't really know what you're living for, what you're doing everyday anymore. You're not sure who you've become. You don't like yourself anymore. You don't like envying other women all the time yet you can't seem to help it. You are constantly angry with yourself and your loved ones because you are just not satisfied with who you are, where you are anymore. You've lost sight of your place and identity in Christ. You feel so lost and alone. No one knows what is really in the very depths of your heart.
You have so many regrets in your heart. Many a time you still can't get over some of your failed relationship/friendships. You berate yourself everyday for losing some of the friendships you most treasured. You still terribly miss those brief times with your few precious friends, who have come and gone. You miss being just yourself, completely accepted just the way you were. But now, you are back to the place where you feel all alone once again.
Dear Me, surrender all your regrets and sadness and loneliness to Him who is able to heal and restore to you the joy in your life. Yes you may have fallen and fallen hard, but He is able to carry you in His palm and carry you on. Just as the happy moments have come and gone, let your regrets come and go. Don't dwell in your regrets any longer. Move on by the grace and love of God.
You may have stumbled much along the path of life, but do not be discouraged to keep moving on. But most importantly, you must remember: run your own race.
God has not made you to run someone else's race. It's time to stop looking at others and what they have which you do not have and wishing you had what they have. Take a look at your very own being that God has created in you. Take a look at all that God has planted in you! Learn to love and like yourself once more. You can't love if you don't love yourself.
You may have failed too many times, yet God still loves you and has a plan for your future. Stand up and take hold of it now. The only way to move on is by the cross. Always remember that when everything in this life fades away - all your failures and victories - it is the love of Jesus that will still stand true for you. Don't ever let that go. Don't let that off your heart and mind.
Today, I am coming face to face with you. Don't hide your emotions and feelings any longer. Don't sweep it all under the carpet anymore. You know you can't go on everyday like this anymore. It's eating away inside you day after day. Unlock that heart of yours now, and let the consuming fire come and cleanse and refine your heart, your mind, your soul and your spirit once again! Let Him rekindle the flame in your heart once again!
Rise up, dear Me! Learn from your many mistakes, but do not let them hold you down. Renew your mind with the Word of God, no matter how hard it always feels. Surrender your heart, your mind, and your soul to Jesus once again - wholly. Commit all your dreams and hopes and plans to your Father in Heaven. He sees and knows the desires of your heart.
Everything you're looking for, everything you could ever want, can be found in your first love, Jesus. Return now to that place where your journey once began. You realise you have been staying in that same cocoon for the past three years, but it is not too late to let God breathe life into you and continue to work in you so that you may emerge as a beautiful, glorious butterfly uniquely handcrafted by God.
Dear Me, don't forget what you've come face to face with tonight. It may take some time, but please continue to unlock all the different rooms in your heart and surrender the keys to Jesus. Let Him, invite Him, to come and fill the emptiness in your heart.
Dear Me, you must, by the grace of God, overcome all negativity, sadness, loneliness, emptiness, anger and envy. Do not give the devil any foothold any longer.
Lord, tonight I lay down all my regrets, all my hopes and dreams, my plans for the next 18 months, all my honest feelings and emotions - at Your feet right now. Lord, take this heart of mine, break it, and shape it in Your likeness once again, I pray.
Friday, May 29
Bride for second time
watched the movie Bride Wars for the second time on tuesday night with Dan and Eva.
makes me wonder if the kind of friendship like that between Liv and Emma really does exist.
i don't know about guys, but for girls i think that kind of friendship is to kill for. The kind of special bond between two girls that begins in childhood and carries on into adulthood, through different stages of life, withstanding even disagreements, quarrels and fights, as well as each other's differences.
i, too, long for such kind of friendship in my personal life. But the stark reality is that such friendship is harder to gain and keep than diamonds.
i have enjoyed great friendships with different ones whom i appreciate and cherish very much in my heart. But the sad reality is that they all come and go - some interstate and some overseas. Although i still make an effort to keep in touch, it's just not quite the same as when they were physically, personally here when we used to hang out, do things together, go places together, cook and eat together, dance together, laugh together, pour our hearts out to one another, sleepover and have girly chats into the wee hours, the list goes on...
i like the movie Bride Wars because at the end, Liv and Emma finally let go of the feud between them and restored their precious friendship with each other, and the special bond between the two of them grew ever stronger afterwards.
some friendships start out pretty well, warm and fuzzy. But when storms hit, the friendship falls apart. When differences or disagreements occur, the friendship is reduced to nothing.
at the end of the movie when Liv and Emma found out both were pregnant and due around the same time, their excitement together pulled them even one step closer.
the friendship between these two women portrayed in this movie is truly enviable, to kill for, yet seems a little too good to be true. Maybe it's just because i haven't come across a friendship like that personally yet. I pray i will.
makes me wonder if the kind of friendship like that between Liv and Emma really does exist.
i don't know about guys, but for girls i think that kind of friendship is to kill for. The kind of special bond between two girls that begins in childhood and carries on into adulthood, through different stages of life, withstanding even disagreements, quarrels and fights, as well as each other's differences.
i, too, long for such kind of friendship in my personal life. But the stark reality is that such friendship is harder to gain and keep than diamonds.
i have enjoyed great friendships with different ones whom i appreciate and cherish very much in my heart. But the sad reality is that they all come and go - some interstate and some overseas. Although i still make an effort to keep in touch, it's just not quite the same as when they were physically, personally here when we used to hang out, do things together, go places together, cook and eat together, dance together, laugh together, pour our hearts out to one another, sleepover and have girly chats into the wee hours, the list goes on...
i like the movie Bride Wars because at the end, Liv and Emma finally let go of the feud between them and restored their precious friendship with each other, and the special bond between the two of them grew ever stronger afterwards.
some friendships start out pretty well, warm and fuzzy. But when storms hit, the friendship falls apart. When differences or disagreements occur, the friendship is reduced to nothing.
at the end of the movie when Liv and Emma found out both were pregnant and due around the same time, their excitement together pulled them even one step closer.
the friendship between these two women portrayed in this movie is truly enviable, to kill for, yet seems a little too good to be true. Maybe it's just because i haven't come across a friendship like that personally yet. I pray i will.
Thursday, May 28
A BIGGGGGGG THANK YOU
to ALVIN for coming to my rescue last night. Had a puncture in the rear tyre on my way home from work. First time I ever had a puncture in any of my car tyres. I just felt and heard something funny and so decided to drive to the nearest petrol station, which was just at the back of my house……….then I saw the nail in the tyre, and quite a big horizontal slit in the tyre. Called Bunster immediately but he was still at work in the valley. Mr C had lent his car to Kez but offered to cycle over to help me change the tyre – which was really nice of him – but I said no need-lah cos by the time he got to the petrol station from AR on his bike, I suppose Dan would’ve also arrived by then….haha.. Anyway, I wasn’t expecting anyone to come when Alvin called. He said Dan had called him and asked him for help, and so he would arrive in 5 mins. While I was still waiting, I thought hmph I can be a handy/superwoman myself, and so tried to take out the spare tyre and jack from the boot. But having NEVER touched those things at the back of my car before, the tyre and the jack just wouldn’t budge no matter how I pulled at them. Gave up after a few minutes. There were about 101 motorists lining up to fill up petrol for their cars (cheap Wednesday) and not a single soul came over to help. GREAT society, by the way. Anyway, so glad to see Alvin’s car approaching! Woohoo!! He’s so pro at changing tyres by the looks of it…………… I’m gon’ learn how to change my own tyres from now on! But sucks that I have to buy a new spare tyre one of these days soon…yet another expense! Pfft. Nevertheless, really THANK GOD for His help, for sending a friend to my rescue! and of course, a BIG thanks to Bunster for organising help for me within the shortest time possible! (otherwise I don’t know how I was gonna make it to karaoke at 7.30pm!)
Rushed home quickly after the tyre was fixed, took a very quick shower – almost mandi kerbau – and rushed to the nearest petrol station (another one) again to pump up the air in the newly changed rear tyre. Then had to quickly drive to woollies to get a bottle of water, a banana (cos didn’t have time to have my dinner at home after all), and some cash out for karaoke.
Some random compliments:
Ivy is one of the very few girls that I know with a very good taste for shoes. All her shoes I’ve seen her wear are ever so dazzling yet not overegging the pudding.
So far I haven’t really seen anyone else who can pull off red colour as well as Federlene – be it red jacket or red shoes, she can look pretty glam in red things! (whereas I’d look like a chinese village angpow in red). She ain't called Glam Hippo for nothin'!
Rushed home quickly after the tyre was fixed, took a very quick shower – almost mandi kerbau – and rushed to the nearest petrol station (another one) again to pump up the air in the newly changed rear tyre. Then had to quickly drive to woollies to get a bottle of water, a banana (cos didn’t have time to have my dinner at home after all), and some cash out for karaoke.
Some random compliments:
Ivy is one of the very few girls that I know with a very good taste for shoes. All her shoes I’ve seen her wear are ever so dazzling yet not overegging the pudding.
So far I haven’t really seen anyone else who can pull off red colour as well as Federlene – be it red jacket or red shoes, she can look pretty glam in red things! (whereas I’d look like a chinese village angpow in red). She ain't called Glam Hippo for nothin'!
Tuesday, May 26
1. Almost knocked over a lady at an underground carpark last weekend. It had been raining cats and dogs, the sky was grey, and everyone had driven into the underground carpark for shelter. It was dark and wet. As i was backing into a parking space, a lady suddenly jumped out from behind my car. My heart almost jumped out of my throat. I completely didn't see her - must be the driver's blindspot! She looked pretty annoyed. But i was shocked myself. I completely, totally didn't see her at all. But before i had a chance to get off my car and apologise to her, she gave me a hate-stare and walked off.
Well, i'm really sorry, ma'am.
I think i now have a phobia of driving into underground carparks...
2. I've had enough of this world and all of its issues. God, help me to not be affected by all the things going on around me everyday.
3. I miss the girl I was 3 years ago...
Well, i'm really sorry, ma'am.
I think i now have a phobia of driving into underground carparks...
2. I've had enough of this world and all of its issues. God, help me to not be affected by all the things going on around me everyday.
3. I miss the girl I was 3 years ago...
Saturday, May 23
of boots and suburbs
bought a pair off ugg (ripoff) boots from FF at GC on thursday night. my first pair of such boots ever.
wore them to work the next day. got paid out big time by my colleagues. they all called me "bogan" from "slumpcorn". to them, wearing ugg boots out the front door is a big no-no. it's a fashion crime. it's what bogans do.
this was from northsiders who live by the slogan "north side best side". ironically a colleague who lives in browns plains (which is actually IN logan) joined in the teasing as well.
for about half the day i was pretty affected by what they said about my boots which i loved wearing because they were warm and comfy and they just looked so cute. like bear paws. aww.
although i didn't say anything nasty in return, some sour thoughts did race through my mind that afternoon.
while i was pretty upset by the issue of aussies dividing themselves over such a trivial, unimportant thing as ugg boots, i didn't really care what they said about me wearing ugg boots. for me it was pure fun and cuteness, and the warmth they provided for my cold feet was to kill for. i decided i really liked them and i wasn't going to stop wearing them just because this bunch of classier-than-thou aussies didn't approve of it.
later in the evening at LG during P&W, i was suddenly reminded of something that elevated me above all the things my colleague had said to me during the day.
i was talking to God in my heart about my feelings and thoughts during the day and how things had upset me a little, then telling God i was sorry about my own heart attitude as well, and at that point i opened my eyes and looked around at each different one in our LG - it was just amazing how so many of us with different personalities, different languages, different cultures, all brought together by our common faith in Jesus. The diversity, the unity.
as i caught sight of H, the tallest guy in our LG, it suddenly hit home. at that God-ordained moment, it was as if God was speaking to me personally, telling me what makes me different to everyone else in my workplace is that i belong to a group of special people, God-loving Christ-followers, who choose not to just dwell in their own comfort zones or "better suburbs", but to go into the lesser suburbs/communities and to extend our hands of hope, love, and friendships to those people.
i wanna be a part of the Unidus goal which God has called us to. i wanna be a part of God's people who truly have the heart of God for people in the lesser communities. that's what makes me different - i have a higher calling than judging others by what they wear and labelling them by the suburb they live in.
God doesn't care about that. He cares most about the spiritual, physical and emotional wellbeing of these people, and He's specifically called you and me to be His vessels through which He wants to show His love and care for them.
and i know my identify and self-worth lie in who I am in Christ, not measured by the boots i wear.
wore them to work the next day. got paid out big time by my colleagues. they all called me "bogan" from "slumpcorn". to them, wearing ugg boots out the front door is a big no-no. it's a fashion crime. it's what bogans do.
this was from northsiders who live by the slogan "north side best side". ironically a colleague who lives in browns plains (which is actually IN logan) joined in the teasing as well.
for about half the day i was pretty affected by what they said about my boots which i loved wearing because they were warm and comfy and they just looked so cute. like bear paws. aww.
although i didn't say anything nasty in return, some sour thoughts did race through my mind that afternoon.
while i was pretty upset by the issue of aussies dividing themselves over such a trivial, unimportant thing as ugg boots, i didn't really care what they said about me wearing ugg boots. for me it was pure fun and cuteness, and the warmth they provided for my cold feet was to kill for. i decided i really liked them and i wasn't going to stop wearing them just because this bunch of classier-than-thou aussies didn't approve of it.
later in the evening at LG during P&W, i was suddenly reminded of something that elevated me above all the things my colleague had said to me during the day.
i was talking to God in my heart about my feelings and thoughts during the day and how things had upset me a little, then telling God i was sorry about my own heart attitude as well, and at that point i opened my eyes and looked around at each different one in our LG - it was just amazing how so many of us with different personalities, different languages, different cultures, all brought together by our common faith in Jesus. The diversity, the unity.
as i caught sight of H, the tallest guy in our LG, it suddenly hit home. at that God-ordained moment, it was as if God was speaking to me personally, telling me what makes me different to everyone else in my workplace is that i belong to a group of special people, God-loving Christ-followers, who choose not to just dwell in their own comfort zones or "better suburbs", but to go into the lesser suburbs/communities and to extend our hands of hope, love, and friendships to those people.
i wanna be a part of the Unidus goal which God has called us to. i wanna be a part of God's people who truly have the heart of God for people in the lesser communities. that's what makes me different - i have a higher calling than judging others by what they wear and labelling them by the suburb they live in.
God doesn't care about that. He cares most about the spiritual, physical and emotional wellbeing of these people, and He's specifically called you and me to be His vessels through which He wants to show His love and care for them.
and i know my identify and self-worth lie in who I am in Christ, not measured by the boots i wear.
Thursday, May 21
One dollar
Ate 2 avocadoes at lunchtime today. Felt utterly sick in the stomach afterwards. Felt like I could throw up at any time. Went to the bathroom 3 times, and my stomach was still extremely upset.
Team leader told me to just go home if I still wasn't feelign well. I then left office at quarter past 4.
On my way to the bus stop, I saw a somewhat rugged man on bare feet walking along the same path that I was on, with a pair of sports shoes tied together by the shoelaces hanging down on one shoulder, approaching different ones and asking them if they had a dollar.
I immediately slowed down my pace to watch what this man was doing. It broke my heart to see every single person he approached shun him, shook their heads at him without even asking what he needed one dollar for, and distanced themselves from him.
I continued walking towards the bus stop while looking on, though taking small, slow steps.
Then I stopped. Took out a one-dollar coin I had in my wallet. Held it in my hand.
I turned around. He was coming towards me.
I waited for him to ask me if I had a dollar. He saw me.
He opened his mouth, said "excuse me,..." but immediately turned away to another guy who was standing just across me and asked him if he had a dollar. Same response as the others.
At that, he turned back towards me and I threw the question first: "what do you need a dollar for?"
"To catch the bus home..." he said.
No questions asked. I put the coin in his outreached hand in which he was already holding a one-dollar coin.
I walked away wondering if two dollars was enough to get him home.
Lord, You know I have a soft spot for homeless people, the poor and needy.
Everytime I see someone like that whom everybody shuns, it stirs up great emotions inside and breaks my heart.
I wish I could do more to help these people, not just give a dollar or two. I wish I could help them get back onto their feet, find their way in this world, and see Your light and know Your love for them. My heart totally goes out to all of them.
But so many times, I feel inadequate of myself to help all those people - financially, spiritually, emotionally and physically.
Tonight, on my way to garden city, I cried for the man who asked for a dollar. Just one dollar.
Team leader told me to just go home if I still wasn't feelign well. I then left office at quarter past 4.
On my way to the bus stop, I saw a somewhat rugged man on bare feet walking along the same path that I was on, with a pair of sports shoes tied together by the shoelaces hanging down on one shoulder, approaching different ones and asking them if they had a dollar.
I immediately slowed down my pace to watch what this man was doing. It broke my heart to see every single person he approached shun him, shook their heads at him without even asking what he needed one dollar for, and distanced themselves from him.
I continued walking towards the bus stop while looking on, though taking small, slow steps.
Then I stopped. Took out a one-dollar coin I had in my wallet. Held it in my hand.
I turned around. He was coming towards me.
I waited for him to ask me if I had a dollar. He saw me.
He opened his mouth, said "excuse me,..." but immediately turned away to another guy who was standing just across me and asked him if he had a dollar. Same response as the others.
At that, he turned back towards me and I threw the question first: "what do you need a dollar for?"
"To catch the bus home..." he said.
No questions asked. I put the coin in his outreached hand in which he was already holding a one-dollar coin.
I walked away wondering if two dollars was enough to get him home.
Lord, You know I have a soft spot for homeless people, the poor and needy.
Everytime I see someone like that whom everybody shuns, it stirs up great emotions inside and breaks my heart.
I wish I could do more to help these people, not just give a dollar or two. I wish I could help them get back onto their feet, find their way in this world, and see Your light and know Your love for them. My heart totally goes out to all of them.
But so many times, I feel inadequate of myself to help all those people - financially, spiritually, emotionally and physically.
Tonight, on my way to garden city, I cried for the man who asked for a dollar. Just one dollar.
Wednesday, May 20
Hopes and dreams
AUG - DEC 2009;
JUN - DEC 2010;
and beyond...
I commit my plans and dreams into Your hands, God.
Make a way for me, like You made a way when You impressed upon my heart to do what You wanted me to do. Even the simple trust that You would make it happen had come from You and was not of me.
I ask for the same this time, and I ask also for Your providence in this.
Things may seem hard now, or impossible, but I believe You will help me in everything I do, everywhere I go. Show me what to do and how.
JUN - DEC 2010;
and beyond...
I commit my plans and dreams into Your hands, God.
Make a way for me, like You made a way when You impressed upon my heart to do what You wanted me to do. Even the simple trust that You would make it happen had come from You and was not of me.
I ask for the same this time, and I ask also for Your providence in this.
Things may seem hard now, or impossible, but I believe You will help me in everything I do, everywhere I go. Show me what to do and how.
SHEESH
WHY the heck are all the customer service departments in private health insurance companies in Australia so freakin' USELESS??
Honestly, sometimes I find the customer service staff located 6245 miles away in India so much more helpful than local dumbos!
Honestly, sometimes I find the customer service staff located 6245 miles away in India so much more helpful than local dumbos!
Tuesday, May 19
It’s kinda depressing lately.
Been feeling bored, stagnant, restless, confused, lost, and everything. like part of me is missing.
Don’t really know what’s wrong with me.
Been busy at work for the past 5-6 weeks. Work is never-ending.
Thing with work is, after nearly 2.5 years in this role, I still feel like I haven’t really learned much at all. It’s pretty ironic how in almost all my jobs, I always get thrown into the deep end.
Pretty ironic too, how my heart has never really been in accounting, where my job actually is. While everybody else is bragging about their CPA status, I think “how boring” to myself. While i see some colleagues taking up postgrad accounting courses in uni to advance their career, I wish I could turn back time and NOT waste my time doing accounting in the first place.
This week I’ve been coming in to work, sitting at my desk, and wondering what I’m really doing here, and how long will I be doing this for.
Part of me wishes to start pursuing my dreams, for once. Yet part of me is apprehensive about such new pursuits – the money and time required, and of course, opportunity costs.
Everybody seems to have different suggestions of what i should be doing at this stage in my life.
I have mixed feelings about what I should be doing at this stage of my life.
i'm turning 28 in 7 months' time. starting to feel like time is running out.
there are so many things i wish to do before i turn 30.
God, You know what they are.
Give me the courage to go for it this year.
and next year as well.
i really wanna step out and do what i'd never thought i could do.
but it's kinda scary at the same time..
Been feeling bored, stagnant, restless, confused, lost, and everything. like part of me is missing.
Don’t really know what’s wrong with me.
Been busy at work for the past 5-6 weeks. Work is never-ending.
Thing with work is, after nearly 2.5 years in this role, I still feel like I haven’t really learned much at all. It’s pretty ironic how in almost all my jobs, I always get thrown into the deep end.
Pretty ironic too, how my heart has never really been in accounting, where my job actually is. While everybody else is bragging about their CPA status, I think “how boring” to myself. While i see some colleagues taking up postgrad accounting courses in uni to advance their career, I wish I could turn back time and NOT waste my time doing accounting in the first place.
This week I’ve been coming in to work, sitting at my desk, and wondering what I’m really doing here, and how long will I be doing this for.
Part of me wishes to start pursuing my dreams, for once. Yet part of me is apprehensive about such new pursuits – the money and time required, and of course, opportunity costs.
Everybody seems to have different suggestions of what i should be doing at this stage in my life.
I have mixed feelings about what I should be doing at this stage of my life.
i'm turning 28 in 7 months' time. starting to feel like time is running out.
there are so many things i wish to do before i turn 30.
God, You know what they are.
Give me the courage to go for it this year.
and next year as well.
i really wanna step out and do what i'd never thought i could do.
but it's kinda scary at the same time..
Sunday, May 17
Tuesday, April 28
Haircut
There are those days when you feel like you can't wait another day to get a haircut. This was one of those days.
I thought I would be working overtime today but throughout the day at work I just could NOT stand my hair any longer. It was one of those days when it didn't matter what I did with my hair, it would still look plain ugly.
I quickly finished off as much work as I could before 5pm and dashed off to sunnybank to get a much-needed haircut.
The Korean lady who cut my hair tonight was excellent. Even before she finished touching up on the haircut, I was already beaming from ear to ear.
I absolutely loved my haircut tonight! And it cost me just $20! yeahoooo~~ I think i'll start making it a bi-monthly routine from now on...
I find haircuts really refreshing and uplifting, except when it goes wrong - with the wrong hairdresser or wrong hairstyle...
I thought I would be working overtime today but throughout the day at work I just could NOT stand my hair any longer. It was one of those days when it didn't matter what I did with my hair, it would still look plain ugly.
I quickly finished off as much work as I could before 5pm and dashed off to sunnybank to get a much-needed haircut.
The Korean lady who cut my hair tonight was excellent. Even before she finished touching up on the haircut, I was already beaming from ear to ear.
I absolutely loved my haircut tonight! And it cost me just $20! yeahoooo~~ I think i'll start making it a bi-monthly routine from now on...
I find haircuts really refreshing and uplifting, except when it goes wrong - with the wrong hairdresser or wrong hairstyle...
BYE BYE MAKEUP
April 27, 2009, marks the day I stopped using makeup.
My sister had been telling me all of last weekend that I should stop using makeup as she was of the opinion that:
1. Using makeup continuously everyday will cause me more skin problems; and
2. I look better without makeup.
Anyway, being the good sister that I am, I decided to take on her advice and resolved to quit wearing makeup on a daily basis (except on special occasions like attending friends' weddings. etc) and let my face breathe once again.
This morning as I got out of the bathroom, it felt really weird without makeup on my face - it was like going "commando", except it's not down under but on the face. Dan said he actually liked me better without makeup!
I argued that the blemishes and dark spots and dark eye circles on my face were now left bare for all to see, but again he reassured me that he liked my natural look better, spots and all.
It might take me a couple of days to get used to not wearing any makeup at all again after at least two years of clogging up my pores daily with all sorts of makeup products. But the best thing about not wearing makeup is that I can now liberally blow my running nose and wipe the corners of my mouth after lunch without the fear of smudging my makeup. And my face ACTUALLY feels two pounds lighter without makeup! Haha...
My sister had been telling me all of last weekend that I should stop using makeup as she was of the opinion that:
1. Using makeup continuously everyday will cause me more skin problems; and
2. I look better without makeup.
Anyway, being the good sister that I am, I decided to take on her advice and resolved to quit wearing makeup on a daily basis (except on special occasions like attending friends' weddings. etc) and let my face breathe once again.
This morning as I got out of the bathroom, it felt really weird without makeup on my face - it was like going "commando", except it's not down under but on the face. Dan said he actually liked me better without makeup!
I argued that the blemishes and dark spots and dark eye circles on my face were now left bare for all to see, but again he reassured me that he liked my natural look better, spots and all.
It might take me a couple of days to get used to not wearing any makeup at all again after at least two years of clogging up my pores daily with all sorts of makeup products. But the best thing about not wearing makeup is that I can now liberally blow my running nose and wipe the corners of my mouth after lunch without the fear of smudging my makeup. And my face ACTUALLY feels two pounds lighter without makeup! Haha...
我觉得我坏透了。
有时候我也搞不清楚自己是好是坏。
...........................................
我们的房客快要搬走了。
我想他应该是不喜欢我所定下的规矩吧。
其实只不过是要求他在餐桌上用餐，而不是在睡房里。
我只是受不了他每一餐都拿到在房里去吃，弄得别人附近的睡房也充满了食物油腻的味道，害人家闻着那味道，睡也睡得不好。
后来终于很有礼貌地告诉他说，希望他能尽量在dining area用餐，免得将来在房间里留下了一股难以去除的油腻食物味道。
他到目前为止还是没跟我们合作。
上个星期他跟我们说了，他找到另一处地方搬了，过两个星期就搬走。
我是无所谓啦。
可是还是得找新的房客，那可能会有点麻烦吧。
唉，算了。找就找呗。
...........................................
这个星期工作忙透了！！！
有时候我也搞不清楚自己是好是坏。
...........................................
我们的房客快要搬走了。
我想他应该是不喜欢我所定下的规矩吧。
其实只不过是要求他在餐桌上用餐，而不是在睡房里。
我只是受不了他每一餐都拿到在房里去吃，弄得别人附近的睡房也充满了食物油腻的味道，害人家闻着那味道，睡也睡得不好。
后来终于很有礼貌地告诉他说，希望他能尽量在dining area用餐，免得将来在房间里留下了一股难以去除的油腻食物味道。
他到目前为止还是没跟我们合作。
上个星期他跟我们说了，他找到另一处地方搬了，过两个星期就搬走。
我是无所谓啦。
可是还是得找新的房客，那可能会有点麻烦吧。
唉，算了。找就找呗。
...........................................
这个星期工作忙透了！！！
Friday, April 24
吓
现在的社会里，那些身材棒样貌美的女生不再是最引人注目的了。
反而是那些胖得像厚厚一道墙的女人最让人眼睛离不开她们的视线，简直教人难以置信。
把自己的身材吃成那样爽吗？？
我常常都在想，被困在一个超胖的身体里面是什么感受呢？
坐着，大肚腩顶着会超不舒服吧？
站着，双脚会撑不住体重吧？
除此之外，还会因为经常提着超重的贅肉行动而体力不支吧。。？
反而是那些胖得像厚厚一道墙的女人最让人眼睛离不开她们的视线，简直教人难以置信。
把自己的身材吃成那样爽吗？？
我常常都在想，被困在一个超胖的身体里面是什么感受呢？
坐着，大肚腩顶着会超不舒服吧？
站着，双脚会撑不住体重吧？
除此之外，还会因为经常提着超重的贅肉行动而体力不支吧。。？
Wednesday, April 22
Fast & Furious 4
It sure was fast, but it didn't get anywhere.
The three prequels to this movie were at least right on track to their destinations - cars, races, streets, stunts, hot guys and girls, adrenaline rush, and fairly fresh and interesting storylines were packed into the series.
They should have named the fourth movie a different project altogether. It trod between the lines of car racing and police story, but nowhere near as defined as the first three Fast & Furious movies, nor as thrilling as Die Hard 4.0.
It was an OK movie - one that I would only be bothered to watch again when it's aired on free tv...
The three prequels to this movie were at least right on track to their destinations - cars, races, streets, stunts, hot guys and girls, adrenaline rush, and fairly fresh and interesting storylines were packed into the series.
They should have named the fourth movie a different project altogether. It trod between the lines of car racing and police story, but nowhere near as defined as the first three Fast & Furious movies, nor as thrilling as Die Hard 4.0.
It was an OK movie - one that I would only be bothered to watch again when it's aired on free tv...
Wednesday, April 15
Monday, April 13
17 Again
man... that sure was a good movie tonight!
i was never interested in zac efron until tonight.
never knew he's actually got some real acting talent in him...not just the looks.
this will be on my to-buy list when it's out on dvd.
next seeing race to witch mountain.
i was never interested in zac efron until tonight.
never knew he's actually got some real acting talent in him...not just the looks.
this will be on my to-buy list when it's out on dvd.
next seeing race to witch mountain.
sigh
help. how do i lose 5kgs in, say, 5 weeks?
i've put on so much weight lately.
all bcos of food fests everywhere!! argghh!!
i've been eating, like, 17 meals a day! my diet comprises junk food (rice crackers, chocolate bars), desserts (sweetened red bean soup), meat, rice (oh great, carbo!), and a BIT of vegetables.
HELP_______!!
I wanna sign up for the biggest loser program!
i've put on so much weight lately.
all bcos of food fests everywhere!! argghh!!
i've been eating, like, 17 meals a day! my diet comprises junk food (rice crackers, chocolate bars), desserts (sweetened red bean soup), meat, rice (oh great, carbo!), and a BIT of vegetables.
HELP_______!!
I wanna sign up for the biggest loser program!
Friday, April 3
23 or 27?
I was chatting with a young colleague (a graduate) in the kitchen just now, after I had finished my lunch.
He asked me how long I'd been here for, etc. I told him I've been with this company for 2 years and a bit, and before that I was in audit.
His immediate reaction was one of surprise, and he said he thought I was a grad too. I smiled politely and said: "hehe...nah, i'm old."
He then said he's 22 and I said I'm 27.
Again, looking surprised, he said he always thought I was like, 23.
For a short moment there I was quite flattered. But of course, I know he was just trying to be nice.
The difference between ages 23 and 27?
You've lived 4 years longer to tell when someone is bluffing about how old you look or they think you are.
He asked me how long I'd been here for, etc. I told him I've been with this company for 2 years and a bit, and before that I was in audit.
His immediate reaction was one of surprise, and he said he thought I was a grad too. I smiled politely and said: "hehe...nah, i'm old."
He then said he's 22 and I said I'm 27.
Again, looking surprised, he said he always thought I was like, 23.
For a short moment there I was quite flattered. But of course, I know he was just trying to be nice.
The difference between ages 23 and 27?
You've lived 4 years longer to tell when someone is bluffing about how old you look or they think you are.
Thursday, April 2
Diet FAIL (惨败!)
I started out on a diet yesterday but could only hold it for a few hours before I found myself gorging on half a block of french onion cheese at a colleague's farewell afternoon tea.
I had begun the day by having my normal breakfast - weetbix with milk.
Throughout the day at work I made two glasses of the meal replacement nutritional drink (for dieters) that Mum gave me last weekend. I didn't bring my lunch on purpose as I thought I would feed on just the meal replacement drinks. But I brought two green nashi pears for the fibre that I needed.
By 2.30pm I was severely famished and could not concentrate on my work at all (besides the fact that it was my first day back at work after a two-week break).
After the cheese and crackers and sausages, I started reaching for a Freddo...
Despite having water retention and feeling extremely bloated from all that half block of highly-salty cheese I had consumed in the afternoon, I finished the entire bowl of fried rice and sweet-and-sour chicken that D handed me after P&W practice last night.
= 吃报仇
Today I've been eating (well, proper food) and drinking (hot beverages) and snacking (on junk food) NON-STOP. I think I may well have gained 3 kilos today...
I hang my head in shame.
I had begun the day by having my normal breakfast - weetbix with milk.
Throughout the day at work I made two glasses of the meal replacement nutritional drink (for dieters) that Mum gave me last weekend. I didn't bring my lunch on purpose as I thought I would feed on just the meal replacement drinks. But I brought two green nashi pears for the fibre that I needed.
By 2.30pm I was severely famished and could not concentrate on my work at all (besides the fact that it was my first day back at work after a two-week break).
After the cheese and crackers and sausages, I started reaching for a Freddo...
Despite having water retention and feeling extremely bloated from all that half block of highly-salty cheese I had consumed in the afternoon, I finished the entire bowl of fried rice and sweet-and-sour chicken that D handed me after P&W practice last night.
= 吃报仇
Today I've been eating (well, proper food) and drinking (hot beverages) and snacking (on junk food) NON-STOP. I think I may well have gained 3 kilos today...
I hang my head in shame.
Karaoke
我觉得和朋友最难搞的活动就是唱K。
碰面时朋友们常常都会说：诶，找天一起去唱K哦！
可是真的要找个时间大家一起去高歌一曲时，每个人都不得空。
然后大家又会说：下次吧，下次一定要找个时间一起去。
可是到了下次再来试着安排时间的时候，又会有人不得空之类的。然后，当然是再等下次咯。
结果哩，过了一年半载根本都没一起去唱过卡拉OK。。。
碰面时朋友们常常都会说：诶，找天一起去唱K哦！
可是真的要找个时间大家一起去高歌一曲时，每个人都不得空。
然后大家又会说：下次吧，下次一定要找个时间一起去。
可是到了下次再来试着安排时间的时候，又会有人不得空之类的。然后，当然是再等下次咯。
结果哩，过了一年半载根本都没一起去唱过卡拉OK。。。
me
有时的我，温驯得像一只惹人怜爱的小猫。
也有时候我会抓狂，凶得好像要咬死人的母老虎。
有时忧郁，有时阳光灿烂。
兴奋的时候会像小孩般嘻皮笑脸和尖叫。
纳闷的时候就显出一副超无奈的样子。
有时很合群，易跟人打交道。
有时却完全没兴趣跟人说话，不睬人。
我想我是怪咖吧。。。
也有时候我会抓狂，凶得好像要咬死人的母老虎。
有时忧郁，有时阳光灿烂。
兴奋的时候会像小孩般嘻皮笑脸和尖叫。
纳闷的时候就显出一副超无奈的样子。
有时很合群，易跟人打交道。
有时却完全没兴趣跟人说话，不睬人。
我想我是怪咖吧。。。
hairstyle makeover
Most of the guys I know wear similar hairstyles like this:
- short, cropped, gelled-up in mini spikes. Some guys have less hair than others, and some keep their hair longer at the back (some ah-beng hairstyle).
For the past few days I've been telling D non-stop to grow his hair for a few months until it's long enough to go for a hairstyle makeover at the japanese hair studio in the valley. He's never tried it but I'm naively hoping that a layered fringe combed to one side would bring a fresh look to the sight of him - like this:
.jpg)
Okay, minus the eyes...
I'm really curious and excited to see what D would look like in a hairstyle like that.
Well, I guess there's only ONE way to find out - and that is to wait and see!
He'll never know until he tries - thanks to me. wahahaha.
- short, cropped, gelled-up in mini spikes. Some guys have less hair than others, and some keep their hair longer at the back (some ah-beng hairstyle).For the past few days I've been telling D non-stop to grow his hair for a few months until it's long enough to go for a hairstyle makeover at the japanese hair studio in the valley. He's never tried it but I'm naively hoping that a layered fringe combed to one side would bring a fresh look to the sight of him - like this:
.jpg)
Okay, minus the eyes...I'm really curious and excited to see what D would look like in a hairstyle like that.
Well, I guess there's only ONE way to find out - and that is to wait and see!
He'll never know until he tries - thanks to me. wahahaha.
Wednesday, April 1
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