Dear Me,
I see you have many thoughts. Endless trails of thoughts about your daily life, the meaning of your life in this whole wide world, your future, your relationships, your daily struggles with your own character, attitudes, mindsets, fears, etc. The list goes on.
You envy others for what they have which you think you do not have, that you want to have. You long for true godly and lasting friendships and relationships. You want to break out of your current financial circumstance. You don't want to live on the edge of life. You desire for a godly and romantic boyfriend who would become your husband one day. You dream of a beautiful, memorable wedding like every girl does. You long to have the happiest smile on your face like you've seen on the faces of other women. You want to live out your dreams, your passions. You want to become all that you have always dreamed of becoming - a true artist at heart. Everyday you feel like you just don't have any of that, and you just don't have enough. You feel stuck where you are - in life, in relationships, in career.
Everyday you struggle with your identity. You don't really know who you are anymore. You miss the beautiful woman you were three years ago. You truly felt beautiful of yourself from the inside out. You truly felt the undescribable warmth of the love of God wrapping around your whole being. You saw the vision of yourself in a cocoon turning into a beautiful butterfly with glorious wings.
Three years down the track, you've lost that vision of yourself. You don't really know what you're living for, what you're doing everyday anymore. You're not sure who you've become. You don't like yourself anymore. You don't like envying other women all the time yet you can't seem to help it. You are constantly angry with yourself and your loved ones because you are just not satisfied with who you are, where you are anymore. You've lost sight of your place and identity in Christ. You feel so lost and alone. No one knows what is really in the very depths of your heart.
You have so many regrets in your heart. Many a time you still can't get over some of your failed relationship/friendships. You berate yourself everyday for losing some of the friendships you most treasured. You still terribly miss those brief times with your few precious friends, who have come and gone. You miss being just yourself, completely accepted just the way you were. But now, you are back to the place where you feel all alone once again.
Dear Me, surrender all your regrets and sadness and loneliness to Him who is able to heal and restore to you the joy in your life. Yes you may have fallen and fallen hard, but He is able to carry you in His palm and carry you on. Just as the happy moments have come and gone, let your regrets come and go. Don't dwell in your regrets any longer. Move on by the grace and love of God.
You may have stumbled much along the path of life, but do not be discouraged to keep moving on. But most importantly, you must remember: run your own race.
God has not made you to run someone else's race. It's time to stop looking at others and what they have which you do not have and wishing you had what they have. Take a look at your very own being that God has created in you. Take a look at all that God has planted in you! Learn to love and like yourself once more. You can't love if you don't love yourself.
You may have failed too many times, yet God still loves you and has a plan for your future. Stand up and take hold of it now. The only way to move on is by the cross. Always remember that when everything in this life fades away - all your failures and victories - it is the love of Jesus that will still stand true for you. Don't ever let that go. Don't let that off your heart and mind.
Today, I am coming face to face with you. Don't hide your emotions and feelings any longer. Don't sweep it all under the carpet anymore. You know you can't go on everyday like this anymore. It's eating away inside you day after day. Unlock that heart of yours now, and let the consuming fire come and cleanse and refine your heart, your mind, your soul and your spirit once again! Let Him rekindle the flame in your heart once again!
Rise up, dear Me! Learn from your many mistakes, but do not let them hold you down. Renew your mind with the Word of God, no matter how hard it always feels. Surrender your heart, your mind, and your soul to Jesus once again - wholly. Commit all your dreams and hopes and plans to your Father in Heaven. He sees and knows the desires of your heart.
Everything you're looking for, everything you could ever want, can be found in your first love, Jesus. Return now to that place where your journey once began. You realise you have been staying in that same cocoon for the past three years, but it is not too late to let God breathe life into you and continue to work in you so that you may emerge as a beautiful, glorious butterfly uniquely handcrafted by God.
Dear Me, don't forget what you've come face to face with tonight. It may take some time, but please continue to unlock all the different rooms in your heart and surrender the keys to Jesus. Let Him, invite Him, to come and fill the emptiness in your heart.
Dear Me, you must, by the grace of God, overcome all negativity, sadness, loneliness, emptiness, anger and envy. Do not give the devil any foothold any longer.
Lord, tonight I lay down all my regrets, all my hopes and dreams, my plans for the next 18 months, all my honest feelings and emotions - at Your feet right now. Lord, take this heart of mine, break it, and shape it in Your likeness once again, I pray.
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