yeeeeehaa! it's nice to see you again, my little blog!! long time no see!
i'm back. and i'm over the self-pity thing. no more of that nonsense. life is beautiful. God is good. all the time.
Thursday, October 22
Friday, September 4
don't know what's wrong with me.
indifferent, but pretending to be enthusiastic.
disinterested, but pretending to be excited.
don't feel like talkin', but pretending to be bubbly and talkative.
melancholic, but pretending to be sanguine.
hurting, but pretending to be perfectly fine.
empty, but the busyness in everyday life can't fill me.
lonely, but pretending i'm not.
downcast, but don't wanna look weak.
feel like dancing, but can't bring myself to do it.
don't know what i'm searching for, don't know what i'm longing for.
don't know what i'm waiting for, don't know where i'm going.
don't know what i wanna do, don't know what makes me happy.
i'm lost without You, broken without You.
help me find my way back in the dark night, help me find my place in this world.
help me see who i really am.
indifferent, but pretending to be enthusiastic.
disinterested, but pretending to be excited.
don't feel like talkin', but pretending to be bubbly and talkative.
melancholic, but pretending to be sanguine.
hurting, but pretending to be perfectly fine.
empty, but the busyness in everyday life can't fill me.
lonely, but pretending i'm not.
downcast, but don't wanna look weak.
feel like dancing, but can't bring myself to do it.
don't know what i'm searching for, don't know what i'm longing for.
don't know what i'm waiting for, don't know where i'm going.
don't know what i wanna do, don't know what makes me happy.
i'm lost without You, broken without You.
help me find my way back in the dark night, help me find my place in this world.
help me see who i really am.
Wednesday, September 2
Wednesday, August 5
busy life
been busy day and night, everyday, for the past 4-5 weeks. felt like i was constantly hurrying, every minute of the day.
had 12-hour days at work, starting from 7am to about 7pm. on top of that i seemed to have something on pretty much every week night and weekend. the busyness just got a little out of control.
this week is still pretty much the same, except workload has toned down a little bit, but nighttime activity hasn't.
really hope i can come home early tomorrow evening and learn the zumba dance.
had 12-hour days at work, starting from 7am to about 7pm. on top of that i seemed to have something on pretty much every week night and weekend. the busyness just got a little out of control.
this week is still pretty much the same, except workload has toned down a little bit, but nighttime activity hasn't.
really hope i can come home early tomorrow evening and learn the zumba dance.
Sunday, August 2
wow, didn't realise it's been quite a while since i last logged on to blogspot and read/write blogs...
didn't really think i would write anything tonight. but after reading Charis' blog tonight, only one thing fell into my mind: it is more blessed to give than to receive.
she wrote about the blessings she's received through the people around her and how thankful she is to God for them.
all of a sudden i felt really ashamed of myself. so often, and especially lately, i've been grumbling a lot about not being as blessed as others. i often compare myself to many others and wonder why i'm not as blessed as they are. i wonder why God is not blessing me with all the good things that other people have. i have silently questioned God in this regard although not verbally voicing it. i have kept a disgruntled spirit within me and become generally unhappy with my life. i sometimes struggle with jealousy and envy towards others. this is one of the areas i struggle the MOST in. i try very hard not to be, but sometimes i just couldn't help being a little jealous or envious of others for what they have or when i hear good news about them or when i see how much God is blessing them in their lives. i know this is extremely dangerous. if i don't get out of this, sooner or later i will be consumed by this sin. which is why i really struggle a lot with it. i think all this stems from my inner beliefs that God is blessing everybody around me more than He blesses me. that's me and my self-centred, self-focused narrow mindset.
tonight, after reading what Charis wrote about God's blessing in her life, it got me sitting back and thinking, how could i be so selfish, always thinking about me, me, me?! all i'm ever thinking about is: why isn't God blessing me as much as He blesses others? why do others get this or that and i don't? what good is there in my life huh huh huh?
i'm probably the stupidest, most unappreciative person in the world. all along, God has put so many good things in my life which i haven't always thanked Him for.
tonight only one thing i'm reminded of: IT IS MORE BLESSED TO GIVE THAN TO RECEIVE.
of course! why hadn't i thought of that?? in retrospect, i have had many opportunities to bless others, and every such opportunity in itself is a blessing from God, because it is more blessed to give! God has often blessed me with the ability to give! and i had been so blind to not recognise that! there were even times when i let such opportunities pass me by simply because of my own selfishness! what a stupid person i had been all along!
God, i am so sorry for every complaint i made against You. I am so sorry for ever questioning Your love, Your blessings for me, and Your plans for my life. I am sorry for being so blind to all those opportunities You had placed in my life again and again, some of which I had willingly passed up based on selfish decisions. I'm sorry for always just seeking Your hands and not really seeking Your face. You have not given up on me nor stopped pouring your favour and blessings into my life even when i don't deserve them. I'm sorry, Lord. and I thank You, for every single thing, even single experience, and every single person You have put in my life to remind me to live this life for YOU and for others, not for myself!
didn't really think i would write anything tonight. but after reading Charis' blog tonight, only one thing fell into my mind: it is more blessed to give than to receive.
she wrote about the blessings she's received through the people around her and how thankful she is to God for them.
all of a sudden i felt really ashamed of myself. so often, and especially lately, i've been grumbling a lot about not being as blessed as others. i often compare myself to many others and wonder why i'm not as blessed as they are. i wonder why God is not blessing me with all the good things that other people have. i have silently questioned God in this regard although not verbally voicing it. i have kept a disgruntled spirit within me and become generally unhappy with my life. i sometimes struggle with jealousy and envy towards others. this is one of the areas i struggle the MOST in. i try very hard not to be, but sometimes i just couldn't help being a little jealous or envious of others for what they have or when i hear good news about them or when i see how much God is blessing them in their lives. i know this is extremely dangerous. if i don't get out of this, sooner or later i will be consumed by this sin. which is why i really struggle a lot with it. i think all this stems from my inner beliefs that God is blessing everybody around me more than He blesses me. that's me and my self-centred, self-focused narrow mindset.
tonight, after reading what Charis wrote about God's blessing in her life, it got me sitting back and thinking, how could i be so selfish, always thinking about me, me, me?! all i'm ever thinking about is: why isn't God blessing me as much as He blesses others? why do others get this or that and i don't? what good is there in my life huh huh huh?
i'm probably the stupidest, most unappreciative person in the world. all along, God has put so many good things in my life which i haven't always thanked Him for.
tonight only one thing i'm reminded of: IT IS MORE BLESSED TO GIVE THAN TO RECEIVE.
of course! why hadn't i thought of that?? in retrospect, i have had many opportunities to bless others, and every such opportunity in itself is a blessing from God, because it is more blessed to give! God has often blessed me with the ability to give! and i had been so blind to not recognise that! there were even times when i let such opportunities pass me by simply because of my own selfishness! what a stupid person i had been all along!
God, i am so sorry for every complaint i made against You. I am so sorry for ever questioning Your love, Your blessings for me, and Your plans for my life. I am sorry for being so blind to all those opportunities You had placed in my life again and again, some of which I had willingly passed up based on selfish decisions. I'm sorry for always just seeking Your hands and not really seeking Your face. You have not given up on me nor stopped pouring your favour and blessings into my life even when i don't deserve them. I'm sorry, Lord. and I thank You, for every single thing, even single experience, and every single person You have put in my life to remind me to live this life for YOU and for others, not for myself!
Sunday, June 28
there are so many things i wanna do, so many things i need to do, but so little time, and so little motivation...
there are more than a dozen books including the Bible that i wanna read everyday, but i'm often too restless and distracted to focus on reading just ONE book at a time. argh.
do one thing at a time, yee. one step at a time. trying to do many things at a time will get nothing done in the end.
wish i had all the time in the world, really.
...listening to some old favourite P&W songs right now and though it's getting really late now am kinda reluctant to switch it off and go to bed....sigh.. :)
but no, really gotta get to sleep cos i need to wake up at 6.30am to feed the cat! keheehee
there are more than a dozen books including the Bible that i wanna read everyday, but i'm often too restless and distracted to focus on reading just ONE book at a time. argh.
do one thing at a time, yee. one step at a time. trying to do many things at a time will get nothing done in the end.
wish i had all the time in the world, really.
...listening to some old favourite P&W songs right now and though it's getting really late now am kinda reluctant to switch it off and go to bed....sigh.. :)
but no, really gotta get to sleep cos i need to wake up at 6.30am to feed the cat! keheehee
Friday, June 26
i'm often/sometimes guilty of
1. being rude/unfriendly to people i don't like
2. displaying bad attitudes/moods
3. gossiping about others
4. getting frustrated when asked questions i don't like answering
5. being officious/pushing my unsolicited opinions
2. displaying bad attitudes/moods
3. gossiping about others
4. getting frustrated when asked questions i don't like answering
5. being officious/pushing my unsolicited opinions
every time i envied or wished i was like someone else, i was saying to God i didn't like His creation of me, and the things He had already placed in my life were not good enough. I now recognise this as a sin in my life.
i'm now beginning to think that maybe learning to like, accept and love myself is the first step to breaking free from many other longstanding issues in my life...
i'm now beginning to think that maybe learning to like, accept and love myself is the first step to breaking free from many other longstanding issues in my life...
Thursday, June 18
Monday, June 15
Sick of where I am. Tired of being nowhere.
Just wanna move on to a different place.
Want a new beginning.
Hope next year will be it.
I want to leave this place and go to a faraway land.
Where no one knows me, and I don’t know them.
Live life like I’ve never before.
Abandon everything that has happened here, everyone I had known here.
Start anew.
Be myself.
Where I don’t have to pretend anymore.
Where I don’t have regrets anymore.
Time will heal.
See the world.
This is not all there is.
I will leave this place one day. For good. For a good while.
When all this has passed, come back anew.
Open my eyes.
Look at all the different ones around me.
See all those opportunities right in front of me.
Step out.
Stop dwelling in the past, my regrets.
PERSEVERE.
别放弃做梦的勇气。
I will not let go this time.
Just wanna move on to a different place.
Want a new beginning.
Hope next year will be it.
I want to leave this place and go to a faraway land.
Where no one knows me, and I don’t know them.
Live life like I’ve never before.
Abandon everything that has happened here, everyone I had known here.
Start anew.
Be myself.
Where I don’t have to pretend anymore.
Where I don’t have regrets anymore.
Time will heal.
See the world.
This is not all there is.
I will leave this place one day. For good. For a good while.
When all this has passed, come back anew.
Open my eyes.
Look at all the different ones around me.
See all those opportunities right in front of me.
Step out.
Stop dwelling in the past, my regrets.
PERSEVERE.
别放弃做梦的勇气。
I will not let go this time.
Friday, June 12
1. EVERY DOLLAR MATTERS.
2. no need to say much till it comes to pass!
3. Yee, don't let others' problems get to you! don't let them affect what you think and say. keep your own cool and remember to live to become more like Jesus, NOT like the world.
4. oooohhh i like transformers original score so much!
5. when life wears you down, don't forget who you are, why you're different from the rest - that's when you need to remember to stand firm upon God's values and not your own.
2. no need to say much till it comes to pass!
3. Yee, don't let others' problems get to you! don't let them affect what you think and say. keep your own cool and remember to live to become more like Jesus, NOT like the world.
4. oooohhh i like transformers original score so much!
5. when life wears you down, don't forget who you are, why you're different from the rest - that's when you need to remember to stand firm upon God's values and not your own.
Wednesday, June 10
YES!!
Yeehooooo!!! got the Transformers soundtrack - The Score by composer Steve Jablonsky!
this is one of the best movie soundtracks ever!
i remember since young (since i was about 13 years old) i've always been very interested in soundtracks - movie / tv soundtracks. not so much the theme songs..... but particularly original scores.... the background music........if you know what i mean.
the few movie soundtracks i've really liked over the years and have also played on the piano/keyboard:
1. Speed - music by Mark Mancina
2. The Rock - music by Nick Glennie-Smith, Hans Zimmer, Harry Gregson-Williams
3. Broken Arrow - music by Hans Zimmer
4. Van Helsing - music by Alan Silvestri
5. Transformers - music by Steve Jablonsky
OH SO COOL~~~~ TRANSFORMERS movie + soundtrack is currently my number 1 favourite!!
sigh. i remember when i'd just finished SPM, my first and foremost ambition at the time was to study music and become a music composer......composing scores for movie/tv soundtracks kinda thing.
ahh...my first dream.....
sad to think that i ended up being an accountant, which is SO.NOT.ME. SO.NOT.WHAT.I.WANNA.DO.
anywayz. i guess no point looking back now. but MAN............Transformers soundtrack - the score - is sooooooooo good!
this is one of the best movie soundtracks ever!
i remember since young (since i was about 13 years old) i've always been very interested in soundtracks - movie / tv soundtracks. not so much the theme songs..... but particularly original scores.... the background music........if you know what i mean.
the few movie soundtracks i've really liked over the years and have also played on the piano/keyboard:
1. Speed - music by Mark Mancina
2. The Rock - music by Nick Glennie-Smith, Hans Zimmer, Harry Gregson-Williams
3. Broken Arrow - music by Hans Zimmer
4. Van Helsing - music by Alan Silvestri
5. Transformers - music by Steve Jablonsky
OH SO COOL~~~~ TRANSFORMERS movie + soundtrack is currently my number 1 favourite!!
sigh. i remember when i'd just finished SPM, my first and foremost ambition at the time was to study music and become a music composer......composing scores for movie/tv soundtracks kinda thing.
ahh...my first dream.....
sad to think that i ended up being an accountant, which is SO.NOT.ME. SO.NOT.WHAT.I.WANNA.DO.
anywayz. i guess no point looking back now. but MAN............Transformers soundtrack - the score - is sooooooooo good!
1. sole on my $25 flats from novo broke today...after just 5 months. can't really complain, can i..?
2. trying to lose flab and look fab. but sigh it's so hard in winter. but glad that i got up and danced a bit tonight. haha
3. so much to do, so little time. so much to read, so little discipline.
4. never give up my courage to dream. i can make it!!
2. trying to lose flab and look fab. but sigh it's so hard in winter. but glad that i got up and danced a bit tonight. haha
3. so much to do, so little time. so much to read, so little discipline.
4. never give up my courage to dream. i can make it!!
my birthday wishlist (serious)
Transformers 1+2 dvd boxset
Transformers quilt cover
Transformers pillow cases
Transformers pyjamas
Transformers quilt cover
Transformers pillow cases
Transformers pyjamas
Monday, June 8
fun day out
had a really fun day out today!! wasn't planned at all. well, in fact i had planned to stay home all of today and read books!! but out of spontaneity i suggested we go to Max Brenner on GC this morning, and because we reached GC around lunchtime and the boys said they were hungry, so i pointed them to Peter's fish market next to versace hotel. it was crowded as usual. many people usually overlook this little shop right next to the grand versace hotel because honestly, it is somewhat unnoticeable, that's if you're not looking carefully...it's easy to miss. but looked like A LOT of people sure know about this great fish-and-chip shop!
anyway the line was so long that when i got back to the queue after i'd gone off to put some stuff back in the car and gone to the toilet etc, it was just about the boys' turn to order. we then had to wait another half hour or so - from number 551 to 581 - to get our food............yummy and fresh fish and chips with seafood stick and prawn cutlets...the seafood's really fresh cos the fishing dock is right behind/next to the shop!
after that we moved on to Max Brenner at marina mirage...........this time i had a hot mint chocolate while D had a dark choc mocha and A had a hot dark orange chocolate. D and i had tutti-frutti waffle with chocolate sauce, strawberries, bananas and ice cream on top!!! YUMMMMMMMMMMM.....i didn't think i would be able to have that again after i had it for the first time in november 2007 when a bunch of us took a road trip down to sydney and L took me and D to Max Brenner at paddington in sydney....
after mb it was pacific fair..........so totally didn't plan on buying anything but i ended up spending $60 on 5 pieces of clothing. DOGGONE IT.
self control, mich!! where's your self control huh HUH HUH???
sigh. only regret of the day is that i couldn't button up in a pair of work pants which i really liked but one size too small. or maybe it's me that's one size TOO BIG now!!!!!! grrrrrrrrr
got back to brissie around dinner time...D made dinner for me at A's place...we had dinner together and watched Push. movie's okay....just okay though. wouldn't watch it a second time if i had the choice..................
all in all it was just a fun day, the kind that i haven't had for a long, long time..................
thank you God for that! hehehe :D
now, God....need to discuss with you on the other issue.....
anyway the line was so long that when i got back to the queue after i'd gone off to put some stuff back in the car and gone to the toilet etc, it was just about the boys' turn to order. we then had to wait another half hour or so - from number 551 to 581 - to get our food............yummy and fresh fish and chips with seafood stick and prawn cutlets...the seafood's really fresh cos the fishing dock is right behind/next to the shop!
after that we moved on to Max Brenner at marina mirage...........this time i had a hot mint chocolate while D had a dark choc mocha and A had a hot dark orange chocolate. D and i had tutti-frutti waffle with chocolate sauce, strawberries, bananas and ice cream on top!!! YUMMMMMMMMMMM.....i didn't think i would be able to have that again after i had it for the first time in november 2007 when a bunch of us took a road trip down to sydney and L took me and D to Max Brenner at paddington in sydney....
after mb it was pacific fair..........so totally didn't plan on buying anything but i ended up spending $60 on 5 pieces of clothing. DOGGONE IT.
self control, mich!! where's your self control huh HUH HUH???
sigh. only regret of the day is that i couldn't button up in a pair of work pants which i really liked but one size too small. or maybe it's me that's one size TOO BIG now!!!!!! grrrrrrrrr
got back to brissie around dinner time...D made dinner for me at A's place...we had dinner together and watched Push. movie's okay....just okay though. wouldn't watch it a second time if i had the choice..................
all in all it was just a fun day, the kind that i haven't had for a long, long time..................
thank you God for that! hehehe :D
now, God....need to discuss with you on the other issue.....
Sunday, June 7
Terminator Salvation
Sam Worthington is pretty cool!!
i'm gonna check him out!!!
great movie!
can't wait for Transformers 2...............................................
i'm gonna check him out!!!
great movie!
can't wait for Transformers 2...............................................
Friday, June 5
Thursday, June 4
Girls' night at Byblos
had the time of my life tonight catching up with D, L and S!!!
i really thank God for this opportunity to sit down with these beautiful ladies, wonderful friends, at a nice posh place at portside wharf, enjoying the food platter while babbling away.....
haven't had such a relaxing and enjoyable all-girl hang-out for a long time......
really makes me miss the old days.....but nevermind!! there'll be more opportunities to come for us to get together and do crazy, fun and girly stuff again!!
- slumber party @ D's new house *grin*
- pool party @ D's new house *wide grin* (in summer~~ woot~!!)
for some reason, with these sweet souls, i don't feel any pressure of having to be someone i am not. i don't feel any need to dress up extra nicely, wear heaps of makeup, wear the right shoes, talk the right talk, say and do the right thing or anything. i can TOTALLY be just myself and still know that they accept me just the way i am. i don't know how but that's just the way it is! being with them brings out the funky, groovy "black girl trapped in yellow skin" in me again..........makes me just wanna get up and dance, especially with dear L! i sure miss that energetic, always lively/bubbly and joyful me!! and man, how i miss fooling around with L in all different kinds of accents and then having a good laugh at ourselves!
this wonderful bunch of people work wonders to bring out the best in anyone! thank you Lord for putting them in the path of my life...i feel so blessed to know them and have them as my friends!
i really thank God for this opportunity to sit down with these beautiful ladies, wonderful friends, at a nice posh place at portside wharf, enjoying the food platter while babbling away.....
haven't had such a relaxing and enjoyable all-girl hang-out for a long time......
really makes me miss the old days.....but nevermind!! there'll be more opportunities to come for us to get together and do crazy, fun and girly stuff again!!
- slumber party @ D's new house *grin*
- pool party @ D's new house *wide grin* (in summer~~ woot~!!)
for some reason, with these sweet souls, i don't feel any pressure of having to be someone i am not. i don't feel any need to dress up extra nicely, wear heaps of makeup, wear the right shoes, talk the right talk, say and do the right thing or anything. i can TOTALLY be just myself and still know that they accept me just the way i am. i don't know how but that's just the way it is! being with them brings out the funky, groovy "black girl trapped in yellow skin" in me again..........makes me just wanna get up and dance, especially with dear L! i sure miss that energetic, always lively/bubbly and joyful me!! and man, how i miss fooling around with L in all different kinds of accents and then having a good laugh at ourselves!
this wonderful bunch of people work wonders to bring out the best in anyone! thank you Lord for putting them in the path of my life...i feel so blessed to know them and have them as my friends!
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